I'm back! Happy New Year!

I am returning to the blog world today. After my brief sabbatical, I will give you a quick recap of the latest.

1) We had a fabulous Thanksgiving. Our family had a great time together (as usual). Matthew proudly takes credit for acting so ridiculous that my mother peed her pants in the middle of a card game. Her reaction? She just laughs, makes a wardrobe change, and comes back to sit next to my pot-stirring husband again. Love is blind I guess. No son-in-law points lost at all.

2)Professor Matthew has completed a semester of teaching and is half-way through his "break." He held his last exam on December 12 and will not begin teaching again until January 22! [In case you want to know, that's 40 days.] What?! I have let him rest and lounge (a.k.a. sleep and gamecube) so far. But. . . I think I will give him some jobs to do at the house after the new year. You know. . like, go to the cleaners, do the laundry, go get groceries, empty the litter box, etc. After he finishes those "easy" jobs, I will move on to things like clean the baseboards, iron the tablecloths and napkins, fix the computer (still not a new one yet). Can you almost hear me shouting my orders out loud? Does that make me a mean wife? I mean, a 40-day break from work? Whatever- there is a small sliver of myself that is glad he gets some time to rest, but mostly I am just jealous and bitter.

3)We traveled to Mississippi to be with family for Christmas. It has been great. I hope you all had a nice Christmas. My favorite gift is most definitely a set of Blue Sango dishes that Daniel and Karen (brother and sister-in-laws) got for me. I have the green already and Karen remembered me whining about wanting the blue to match. Thanks Karen!

4) Matthew and I traveled to a wedding in Indiana this week to see Sara Overbagh marry Josh Hammonds. Everything went as planned and they are on their way to their honeymoon destination right now. I love you Mr. and Mrs. Hammonds!

I am in the process of making my new year's resolutions. Some are recycled from years before, and perhaps a couple of new ones. Who knows? It is such an appropriate time of year to look back and choose to remember the blessings God has given to me. A wise man (Professor Matthew) once told me that at the end of each year, I have the choice to focus on the positives or the negatives that have crossed my path. The past cannot be changed, but I can choose which memories I want to dwell on. That makes it possible to mark EVERY year as a positive year since I always have many more reasons to feel blessed than not.



Happy New Year!

Good Times at the Village Inn

As you know, we are visiting family here in Iowa for Thanksgiving. We ventured out the other night to get a quick meal at a small local place called the Village Inn. The restuarant is a informal family eatery similar to a Perkin's, Shoney's, or a Baker's Square restaurant depending on your region of the country.

Let me set the scene.

Thanksgiving is a couple days away. This Village Inn restaurant has extra folding tables and countertops covered up with baked pies that families order this time of year. There are 2-3 waitresses covering a fairly packed restaurant. Our lovely waitress, Earnestine (or Ear-stine as the receipt read) brought me a regular coke and shot me a nasty look when I asked for another diet coke. [No tip for you ,Ear-stine!] Finally the drink was correct and we proceeded to order. Miss Ear-stine brings our food 30 or so minutes later. [I ordered a Belgian waffle and bacon. I can't resist.] Miss Ear-stine lays down my waffle plate and an additional bowl of butter.

Yes. A bowl of butter.

We had a good laugh before Ear-stine could leave the table. She was ready for us to go I'm sure. I never did get my side of bacon. We were charged for several items that never arrived. Additionally, Ear-stine flew by our table to give us yet another receipt. This new receipt was from a different server, "Bernice", and had someone else's order on it. We just left that one on the table. Not sure if she thought we wanted to show some random act of kindness to one of Bernice's customers. The feeling just wasn't there.

I got a quick photo,"Laura Tomlinson style", of Bernice and her fantastic hair.

So, if you are in the area, and your cholesterol is low, head on down to the Village Inn. No need to ask for a bowl of butter, it is complimentary!

P.S. No one has peed their pants yet. We have had a couple of close calls though.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Traveling for Thanksgiving and Football

I have arrived in Iowa for the Thanksgiving Holiday! I am so excited to be here to see my family. In a couple more days, several members of my family, from the east and west coasts, will be filtering in to spend the holiday here as well. It will be so fun. I am very anxious to see my mother and her two sisters in action. They are a 3-woman show like you have never seen. Eating, laughing, games, story telling on each other and someone usually always pees their pants for laughing too hard. Doesn't that happen at everyone's holiday gatherings? Out of respect for the 3 ladies I won't tell you who usually pees their pants. After all, I don't want to embarrass my mother like that. . . . .

As I boarded the plane in New Orleans, I realized that I am surrounded by Louisiana State (LSU) fans [record is 9-1]. Now, being a Mississippi State (MSU) [record is 6-4] fan myself, this made for an interesting ride. With Ole Miss in their sites, the LSU fans were rather enthusiastic during the plane ride. Joking, drinking (it is 11:30am), and showing off were on the agenda for this ride. I was very fortunate to sit beside a mild mannered LSU fan who asked if I am a Tiger fan. I realized that I have on a yellow T-shirt and purple fleece-what was I thinking? I confidently stated that I am an MSU fan and he seemed fine with that since they were focused on beating Ole Miss-which will not be difficult at all. Let me also mention that several times during the flight someone would yell, "Go to hell Ole Miss!" Uh-huh. I had to smile when 8-10 men, ages 40 and above, would burst into laughter throughout the plane revealing that they were in this traveling group of Tiger fans. The fan sitting beside me, Mike I think, told his friends that he has never been to a game at Ole Miss. His friends delightfully reported "You have never been cursed like you will be tomorrow. No one hates LSU like Ole Miss." Once again, they all burst into laughter and get even more excited to make the trip to Oxford. LSU fans don't mind cursing others (ever been to Tiger Stadium a.k.a. "Death Valley" for a game?), or being cursed at-it's like adding fuel to the fire. For the next hour, they told stories about their quarterback Ryan Perrilloux's recent bar fight, their business accomplishments who was the last target of one of their creative practical jokes. I was very entertained and the flight seemed to fly by. I do feel a certain softening of my hatred for LSU since moving to Louisiana. Maybe subconsciously, I chose the purple and gold outfit to show my support for LSU. Or. . . maybe the fact that they will most certainly demolish Ole Miss today makes me a Pseudo-Tiger Fan. JUST for today.

Professor Matthew arrives on Wednesday after he finishes teaching to complete the Thanksgiving Dinner roster. I can't wait, I miss you already honey!

Daylight Savings Time, Sarah Time and Real People Time

I am no longer busy being unemployed! After searching places both near and far, I have accepted a job that is just a short drive away. I am working as a counselor at an inpatient facility and love being back to work. Being a housewife with no children to watch and a very small apartment to keep up was hardly filling my days. I know, I know, I should have enjoyed it. I just felt like I was losing IQ points each day. Case in point below.

A couple of weeks ago, I had one of those moments where I seem to be brain dead and ignore all obvious signs that I am wrong, wrong, wrong! Here's the deal. 2 weeks ago (Oct. 27), right before bed, I go to turn off the computer and realize it is notifying me of Daylight Savings Time. [Let me point out that 2 weeks ago was NOT Daylight Savings Time.]I roll back all the clocks in the house, the computer and my cell phone. In my head, I criticize the AT&T cell phone people for not automatically updating my phone, idiots. Are they trying to make me show up super early to church and look stupid? What about the news channels, no notification? Uh. So, we went to sleep. I happened to wake up sometime around 7:00am (Sarah Time) and realized that my cell phone clock has changed itself during the night and now says 8:00am (Real People Time). Now, I'm really thinking the AT&T people are bad. I try to help them out and my cell phone won't obey me! I start to get a little suspicious and turn on CNN-they're idiots too. Fox News? Yep, all idiots. I turn the computer on, and it says 7:00am (Sarah Time). Finally, confirmation that I am right. Just to be extra sure, I wake my wise husband (an unwise decision) to ask him about Daylight Savings Time. He mumbles something about George Bush and that our computer is 150 years old. Why would I go by what it says? All good questions honey. I have no good answer. I am a bored/unsettled unemployed person posing as a busy housewife with declining brain function. I conclude that I am mistaken [finally] and rejoin CNN, Fox News, AT&T and Professor Matthew in their time reports. Additionally, I promise the Gateway ,circa 1998 with Windows 98 2nd Edition (Uh-huh, that's right), that it's days are numbered. That means it shall die. When I go back to sleep I dream about destroying my computer the way the guys in Office Space destroyed the printer. I thought about putting a youtube remake of that scene on here, however, the music accompaniment (Ghetto Boys) was not suitable for this blog. Just watch the movie. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Sinatra, Sweet Petites, etc.

Hello all. Everybody still curling their eyelashes? Good.

I thought maybe I would share some of my latest interests [actually obsessions] with you.

1. Frank Sinatra

Love this CD. Summer Wind, The Best is Yet to Come, and Luck be a Lady: all very nice. It's brassy, sassy, and love that voice. Not such good husband material, but who cares. Mmm. Go Frank!

2. Mt. Olive Sweet Petite Pickles

This obsession started upon moving to Louisiana. Blame the Cajuns. I cannot get enough of these things. Obviously, I enjoy the taste. But they are also very. . . . . cute. Yeah, that's right, my snack is cute. They have no fat and very little sugar. Supposedly 3 of these cuties are a serving size (only 3? puh-lease!).

Matthew: Honey? I thought you bought another jar of sweet petites, is this the old one?

Me: Um, what? I can't really remember. [OMG, I think I have a problem.]

Anyway, they are also fun to say. Sweet Petite. Isn't that fun? Even better, I don't know about the taste, but I crack up every time I see a jar of Sweet Midgets. I cannot help it. I dare you to say Sweet Midgets 3 times without smiling. Impossible. That's what I thought my Sweet Petite.

3. Pilot G-2 07 Pens

This is a long standing admiration. I used to think bad things about people who only used certain pens. [Pen snobs pay attention.] I was wrong! Some pens ARE better than others. Try a Pilot G-2, it's a wonderful thing. I firmly believe it improves penmanship. Much like a good pair of shoes can make you jump higher. So go get a 10-pack and spread the word.

4. MTV's The Hills

Uh. I know. It's real bad, but I love it real bad. Loser Spencer and his gf Heidi. Will they stay together? What about Heidi's stressful job? Will she and Lauren ever be friends again? Where does Brody fit in? I don't care about the other characters. Get on with the story! The script gives me the same nauseous feeling I usually get concerning Dawson's Creek. Then you realize you can't stop. Self-control? Nope. However, these characters are mega-rich with better clothes.

This clip is just the tip of the iceberg.

That concludes my list.

Husband Scores Big Points

When I get my hair cut/highlighted, I have to point to my head and say, "Hey! Notice anything different?" to get any sort of reaction from my husband. I can't just say, "What do you think?". I must include hand motions and pointing fingers to guide him to the item(s) in question. Not because he doesn't want to say something (he knows that saying something is the right thing), he just does not notice. At all. The man is brilliant, but he does not notice things like this. This is in stark comparison to my brother-in-law Daniel (Matthew's younger brother) who notices EVERYTHING. Daniel will notice any new item of clothing, a new purse, new jewelry, and any change in someones' hair. Sorry ladies, he's married and about to be a first time father to my future nephew! So back to Daniel's gift of noticing things.

Daniel: Hey? Did you part your hair differently today?

Me: Yep. I decided to try it this way for a while.

Daniel: Oh, it looks good.

Me: Thanks! (giving Matthew the evil eye)

Matthew: Thanks alot Daniel.

Anyway, the other day I rediscovered my eyelash curler and used it. I can't believe I ever dropped this step from my routine-my lashes looked fabulous. That afternoon, Matthew and I are talking:

Matthew: Honey, your lashes look really long today.

Me: (stunned) Really? Oh, I used my eyelash curler today.

Matthew: Well, they look good.

Me: Thanks babe. (swooning)

Do I care if he notices my haircut anymore? Nope.

Am I reminded of how wonderful he is and how petty I can be sometimes? Yes and yes.

Ahem. Jealousy doesn't become you ladies, go find your own!

Hair Product Review: got2b Hot Smoothing Lotion

This morning, I was doing my hair and decided to try a new product I bought yesterday. The product is by got2b (a kind of rip off of Bed Head products) and is the "Crazysleek Hot Smooth Flat Iron and Blow Dry Lotion." I got it from the grocery store, like most of my hair products (there is currently no room in the Alford budget for high priced hair products). So, I tried it, you add it to damp hair. It is a spray bottle, but I discovered the consistency is more gel like, so I just sprayed it into my hands and starting working it into my hair. At first, it kind of smelled like french toast or like donuts, sounds good to you huh? [a little background: I have superhuman olfactory senses so I can smell anything in the vicinity minutes before anyone else even notices.] Ok, so I am not a big fan of baked-good-smelling products (sugar cookie candles, vanilla lotions, etc.), but I thought, "So I smell like donuts, that's not bad. My super-sensitive nose is probably the only one who will detect it anyway." HOWEVER, almost instantly after thinking this, the smell took a turn. Evidently, too much yummy donut smell turns into burned plastic or burned hair smell. Gag! And gag again. I know this is so dramatic, but I considered getting back in the shower and washing my hair again. It was that bad. I am far too stubborn to let some hair lotion upset my already-in-progress-getting-ready-routine, plus my hair is very thick and getting pretty long (a redo wash would take some time). So, I toughed it out (after I covered it up with my Dove Leave-in Treatment = good smell). But I must say, my stomach had a couple of close calls because each time my hair passes in front of my face, I smell it. You know how products and movies can receive a "2 thumbs down" review, I give this nasty-smelling stuff a different hand signal.

p.s. I had to fish it out of the garbage just to do this post. If I have saved just one person from making this mistake, my work is done. ickthyuck!

Reality TV Cleansing

I have been watching reality TV and I am pretty sure I am dumber as a result. Help!
I have selected the following as my latest obsession in reality TV. People, this show is terrible. I am so embarrased!

Vh1's The Pick Up Artist Ahh!

Oh, gosh. What can I say. The Pick Up Artist is a show where the quite abnormal looking and talking "Mystery", the host, leads his students on a socially-educating journey to learn to talk to and connect with women. They are self-proclaimed losers in the dating category and volunteer to be Mystery's proteges. I'm thinking (1) Mystery looks like a cartoon character and (2) I hope the students are really actors hoping to be discovered.
This show is complete with it's own set of vocabulary:

Set: a group of people; [Hey, look at that two-set (2 people) of women running away from us!]

Kino: physical touch;[No one on this show has ever played a game of Kino.]

DHV: Demonstration of Higher Value; any occurence that increases women's attraction for you; [Can I borrow someone's DHV? Anyone?]

IOD: Indicators Of Disinterest; signs that a woman isn't attracted to you; [(Mystery thinks to himself) Was Chelsea's facial expressions and sarcastic question a possible IOD?]

There is even this big guy on the show who ALWAYS goes up to women (in a bar, on the street, etc.) and says "Hey! Did you guys see the fight back there! blah, blah, blah." I mean, who wouldn't fall for such a great line?

Anyway, so Alvaro (a.k.a Kosmo) ends up winning and being crowned the pick up artist. I think he won a whopping $50,000 dollars too. Hmm, wow.

Some before and after shots. Nevermind, being on the show was worthwhile. My fav is the necklace.

They interviewed the newly crowned pick up artist and I highlighted a few questions below.

Vh1: Why did you change your name to Kosmo?

Kosmo: Kosmo is my breakdancing name. I got it when I was 10-years old and I used to breakdance in Miami. People couldn’t figure out what I was thinking, so they called me Kosmo. I like it better. I’m out there, I’m not normal at all.

The last comment is all too true.

Vh1: So it was worth it?

Kosmo: Oh yeah. If they told me right now that I could either do a movie with Robert DeNiro or The Pick Up Artist, I would pick The Pick Up Artist. It changed my life.

Ok, I don't know why I got stuck on this show. How ridiculous.

It' s your turn. Be honest readers. You watched every episode. You were, and still are, ashamed of liking it. Redemption is offered here, no charge. Tell me the name of the show and let the world know your secret!

Hammond Notables Part I

Ok, I'm back. Ummm. Excuse me? I don't need you getting impatient. I am quite busy being unemployed right now. Have you ever been unemployed? Yeah, well it is a time consuming task. Whatever.

Now, I present to you a few things to know about Hammond:

I love the food, and more importantly the name, of this restaurant.

Lions, Tigers & Beer

Get a sandwich, get a burger, get some cheese fries (they're excellent), just get in there. As a bonus, all the staff wear t-shirts that say "Oh my!" on the front. Too cute. Big screen TV with LSU and SELU decorations. Also, my good friend Crissy would appreciate that there is a container of Tony Chachere's seasoning on every table. [Crissy always carries Tony's in her purse in case she comes across any so-so type food.] Louisiana is calling you girl. We've got it covered.

A friend once told me about the drive-thru daiquiri shops in Louisiana, but I thought it must have been just a brief trend in the 80's. Not so.

Hammond has at least two drive-thru daiquiri stops. Yes, that's drive-thru and get your daiquiri.

Hmm. Something is wrong with this picture. . . . .

So, I actually haven't tried the daiquiris here yet, but they must be good b/c the place is packed all the time.

I do get a little nervous everytime I drive by wondering if patrons really wait until they get home to taste their frozen treat. Scary!

Matthew spotted the girl wearing the face visor. She had on a red one this time. Cool.

Sun Protection Meets True Fashion

All right people. Prepare yourself for some frightening information. Just weeks into my relocation to Louisiana, I am driving my husband back to campus after lunch (we are having BAD luck with cars lately) and Matthew and I see this almost normal looking college student on a bike with a VISOR COVERING HER FACE! We are speechless. A visor (yuck!). Covering her face. Umm-what!? Why? Why? Why?! A severe sun allergy? A recent eye surgery? An abnormal and challenging pledge assignment for a no-good sorority? [Calm down sorority women, don’t we all agree that this is not considered normal?] A dare? A social experiment? I cannot imagine doing this for any social gain, it must be medically related. Is she a sickly student and I am guilty of making fun of the ill? I don’t know. I am not sure I need to know. This is not flattering attire! So, I googled it. Um, maybe “face visor”? Good guess, because I found this website: http://www.facevisor.com/

and this photo:

Crazy that no one has used that domain name yet. . . . Anyway, the website describes in detail the face visor’s ability to protect you from the harmful UV rays of the sun. I mean sure, Oakley makes these claims also, but would you actually wear a pair of Oakley sunglasses when you could look like this? My brother-in-law has spent some money on "fashionable" shades in the past. When will he discover that true sun protection and fashion only has to cost him $14.95? Beat that Ray-Ban lovers! The sincere website, (don’t forget I have actually seen someone wearing one of these) shows photos of people doing very ordinary tasks with their very functional face visors.

In case you are not sold on the potential health benefits of the product alone, don’t forget the following:

(1) It has an adjustable tilt shield so you can cover all or just part of your face,(2) It fits over eyeglasses, (3) you can wear it while participating in a variety of outdoor sports, (4) It comes in either the regular or full shield version, (5) it is affordable ($14.95 or $18.95) and (6) it comes in a variety of colors (purple is my preference). I will point out that I am disappointed in the young lady I saw the other day, because she clearly did not opt for the full shield version (cheapskate) and chose the quite drab color of beige for such an exciting accessory. Get a clue honey.

New Kids on the Bayou

Alright, let’s start off with a little background. Matthew and I got married 4 years ago (Wow!) and have been living in Starkville, MS finishing up our studies at Mississippi State University (Go Dawgs!). Matthew, who you can now refer to as Dr. Alford, took a job making the big bucks at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, LA (yes LT, that is Hammond with a “d”). For those of you who got jokes, no he cannot write you a prescription, he is Ph.D., not M.D. Anyway, we are just getting settled here in our apartment. We have very few neighbors as the complex is recently been selling and leasing units. So, it is quiet and a little lonely for me as I look for a job in slow motion (I am being picky). I know one person on campus (the aunt of a friend) and the on-site manager of the apartment complex. And. . . that’s it. My closest friends right now are all receptionists and cashiers at various establishments I am doing business with lately. Do you know how difficult and it is to move to a new place?Allow me to vent a bit. I need to find the following: Dentist, Optometrist, Pharmacist, Veterinarian, Insurance Agent, Financial Counselor, Hair Dresser, Church, and Pedicurist (?). And that is just what I can recall right this moment. I mean I have to look up these places in the phone book, (websites score BIG with me right now) and then go check it out before I agree to do business. I can’t trust just anyone! I know, I really have it rough, don't I? Even though I have no job now, I feel like I need a family secretary. I could really use a personal assistant these days. Remember Mr. Pitt on Seinfeld? I would be much nicer. Anyone interested? Salary commensurate with experience.

I also want to mention that Matthew and I will be traveling down the road to see MSU play Tulane tomorrow. I do love the Bulldogs, but I am also planning on eating a beignet from the legendary Cafe Du Monde . Hopefully both will not be a disappointment.