I Can't Keep It A Secret Any Longer...

I am so proud to announce that I am pregnant! I am so proud of the announcement for all the usual reasons a new mother would be excited, and much more. For those readers that know our story, we have just amazed you with our news. Sarah? Pregnant? What?!? Obviously, all pregnancies are amazing events, but ours is truly miraculous. Here's the brief version of our story:

In early 2006, after a couple of months of trying to conceive, I tried a fertility drug. My OBGYN figured since I was a diabetic, and strictly controlling my blood sugars during a pregnancy would be alot of work, let's hurry up and just pregnant. We tried fertility drugs for a couple of months, but they did not work. In fact, my hormone levels were so low after the fertility drugs, my nurse asked me, "Uh, did you take the medicine we gave you?" Puzzled, she ran some more tests that revealed I was in early menopause and had POF (Premature Ovarian Failure). I definitely felt like a total failure. It was bad enough that I have diabetes, now I have fertility problems, too. She said no way I could get pregnant, and most likely not be able to do any in vitro procedures. My diabetes doctors agreed and we were completely stunned.

For the next 6 months we cried, prayed, researched, and leaned on family and friends for support. We discussed surrogacy (I had some great offers! Thanks sis.) and adoption and tried to collect our thoughts. Around December 2006, Matthew and I both started to feel a stirring in our hearts and the Lord was speaking to us individually-JUST BELIEVE. When we finally discussed what we were each hearing, we were excited and nervous. What does it mean? People will think we are crazy! We did not care. We told our families that we would pray for a miracle until we heard God tell us to stop. So for the next couple months we prayed and did believe that if God wanted to do it, he could. I think my doctors, especially those that didn't believe in God, were concerned about my false hope of pregnancy. My Christian doctors were fired up and said whatever you feel led to do, do it! I went ahead and started on hormone replacement pills-ah! At age 27! I hate menopause.

We had a speaker come to our church and share about believing in God's power and putting yourself in line to receive any healing or help that God would want to send your way. You must believe and have faith. We did and we let him pray for us and the miracle we wanted. I was prayed over at a women's conference, and then shared my story at a weekend retreat. Little did I know that I was already pregnant.

In February 2007, I was having some weird symptoms so my doctor wanted me to go in for more blood work to check on my hormone levels. Oh great, what else has gone wrong with my body? The blood test said I was pregnant. I almost passed out in the office. I was crying; the nurses were crying; we were in total disbelief. Matthew and I celebrated our new secret for about a week. I went to my OBGYN the next week only to be disappointed that my 8 week old baby had no heartbeat. Such a strange combination of sadness and hope. My doctor tried to comfort me and sort out the shock that I could even get pregnant at all. She was completely at a loss for words. I told her that God told us he wanted to do something and it looks like he is.

She referred us to a specialist and over the next 9 months I took fertility drugs and waited, and repeated this routine alot. My specialist did not give me much hope. He said that there was no real evidence that this treatment could work for someone with my diagnosis, but was willing to try until we wanted to stop trying. We went in for several ultrasounds to check on the reproductive process and to better gauge our chances for conception. It was a great feeling for our super-smart specialist to exclaim, "Well, I'll be damned!" on more than one visit. That wasn't really a "prayer" per se, but we knew who the credit belonged to.

I finally got pregnant again in January 2008. It has been a family secret for the last few months as we have prayed and fought off worry and doubt. Our families have been so supportive and excited about all the appointments and news we have to share. Thank you-we love you! It also feels good to know that we, our family, and our friends all give the credit to God who gave us such a wonderful and miraculous gift. I always knew I would be a mother, but the "how" was never completely clear. I am so excited that God wants to me have my first child just like this. I'm 3 months now and due in early October!

Look, we're starting to show!